I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
