as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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