I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
