I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
