I'm really into asian looking animals
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
