is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
