On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
