could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
