I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
