some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Enjoy the penises
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
