This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
