i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
