I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
