you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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