Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
