dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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