i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
