its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
