You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
