I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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