I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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