i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
