Taylor Swift is so right about you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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