I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
