the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize