Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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