i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
