also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
