I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
