Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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