get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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