When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
