On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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