Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
