"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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