return my video game
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
