please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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