And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
