I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
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