my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
