I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
soo... how was my night?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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