Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
