i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You ruined the universe
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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