Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
