I can't watch pbs sober anymore
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
