the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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