'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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