Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
