There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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