Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
