so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
