god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Someone signed my nipple.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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