Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
