His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
