I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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