CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
