Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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