So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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