I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
