The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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