We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Oh god it's open bar.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
