Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
