It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
someone threw a dead crab at me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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