there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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